Cant get there from here

A rock band out of North Georgia released a song in 1985 called “Cant Get There from Here.”

The band R.E.M. was inconsistent with punctuation on the album — as in “cant” — possibly as a salute to all the South’s grammatically challenged homemade signs.

I think of that song every time I get lost while using directions from the Internet.

Most recently it involved exiting a smooth interstate and driving 10 miles on a rough county road that ran parallel to the interstate.

I saved approximately one-tenth mile and drove 30 minutes longer.

Getting lost with Internet directions is convenient and free. Just type in your departure point and destination. The computer does the rest.

It gives you a route with the shortest distance.

Even if it means driving 10 miles across some farmer’s corn field in Illinois.

Even if it means going down a boat ramp and holding your breath until you exit on the opposite side of Lake Okeechobee.

Even if it means opening a gate and driving two hours on a gravel road through the towering flames of hell.

Google and other map providers need to implement some sort of quality control.

I’m thinking they should send their computer nerds across the desert with no water, food or gas money. If the programming geeks make it to their destination alive, they can share the route with the motoring public. If they perish, scratch the route.

I hear these Global Positioning System units can get you into trouble, too.

In Gordon, Pa., a couple’s home is having repeated close calls with 18-wheelers because of errant directions from GPS units. Their street isn’t designed for commercial trucks.

I suspect GPS and computer directions are popular among men because it saves them the embarrassment of having their wives order them into gas stations to get directions.

Or worse yet, from stopping at a stand that sells “Boiled Peanut’s” and hearing a man in overalls drawl: “Cant Get There from Here.”