What lies beyond The Great Cornfield?

Converse to popular belief, Illinois is not full of cornfields.

Actually, the state contains only one cornfield.

No one has discovered where it starts or stops, but I understand it may be the topic of a future movie called “Indiana Jones: Quest for the End of The Great Cornfield.”

My recent introduction to the Midwest was a positive experience. I found that rural Illinois is not so different from rural Alabama.

The people are friendly, but they talk funny.

While Jenny attended a literature conference with a bunch of professor types in Bloomington, I explored the city and countryside by bicycle.

A few notes:

The wind blows 45 mph from every direction at once. If you’re on a bicycle, this multidirectional gale compensates for a lack of hills.

Speaking of elevation, the tallest point in Illinois is a telephone pole, which tops out at approximately 30 feet above shuck level.

I hear legend of a towering Sears and Roebuck building in Chicago, somewhere beyond The Great Cornfield. But just like the legendary end of the cornfield, I cannot confirm the building’s existence.

Unlike Alabama, the country roads are not populated by junky yards and multiple rusty house trailers sharing the same septic tank and electric meter.

To the contrary, beautiful old two-story farmhouses grace the countryside about every half mile and they are occupied by good people. You can tell they are good people because they all fly the American flag and have a red newspaper box attached to their mailbox post.

These residents drive air-conditioned John Deere tractors that probably cost more than my house and pull plows that are wider than Ogle Stadium.

Despite the vast acreage dedicated to row crops, central Illinois has twice as many trees as the entire state of Kansas.

Kansas, as you may know, has two trees.

In addition to its place as an important agricultural center, Illinois presents plenty of moments in presidential history.

Consider the Abraham Lincoln Tomb at Springfield.

Or the Ronald Reagan Museum in Tampico, which I regret I did not visit. I was lost in the maize at the time, trying to decide whether to turn left or right.

Speaking of which way to turn, I did spot Illinois Sen. Barack Obama on a few bumper stickers and thought I heard a riot outside as John McCain railed on TV against farm subsidies.

Overall, I felt at home until the night my wife ordered hushpuppies with her fish dinner.

The young waitress looked puzzled.

“What are hushpuppies?” she asked.

OK, no state is perfect.

A special thanks to Sam Ellison of Priceville who gave me a circuit tester after reading of my misadventure with electricity.